Midland Reporter-Telegram (Texas), June 8, 2008: Rising gas, food and other costs magnify struggles of raising children alone
by Kathleen Thurber
Midland Reporter-Telegram
Published: Sunday, June 8, 2008 3:27 AM CDT
By Kathleen Thurber
Staff Writer
Brandy Dean stopped taking her medication a few weeks ago.
One of her children is being treated by a specialist in Odessa and with gas prices inching closer to $4 a gallon combined with the cost of medication, the single mom had to eliminate spending everywhere she could.
To meet rising food, gas and other costs, Christy Green has spent much of the last few years working for the Department of Public Safety during the day and waiting tables at night.
Even with babysitting help from her mom, childcare funds from West Texas Opportunities and previous stints of food stamps, Green says the day-to-day of single parenting continues to be a struggle.
“I can’t just get away,” said Green, who said the only indulgence she allows herself is sometimes wearing makeup. “I don’t even try.”
With the average cost of food increasing about 6 percent from this time last year, coupled with record fuel prices and local rental rates that in some instances have nearly doubled in the last few years, even many nuclear families are feeling the pinch. But for some of the more than 880,000 single-parent families in Texas, the financial squeeze is straining what was already a tight situation.
“Especially in a booming town like this you really start to see the disparity between the haves and the have nots,” said Kevin Harrington, who helps organize the St. Vincent de Paul Ministries that offer short-term support to low-income families.
Housing crunch
While requests have increased in most social service organizations across the board, Harrington and others agreed the biggest need for single parents locally is assistance with rent as many going to re-sign their lease realize they can’t afford the jump in monthly charges.
Dean came to Midland Fair Havens in November after she was cut off from food stamps and struggling to pay rent and daycare costs that exceeded $1,300 a month.
“I don’t know how we made it then,” she said.
Fair Havens houses single moms who are homeless or in danger of becoming homeless while they work to become more self-sufficient. Dean is studying to become a nurse and working at Midland College. She also participates in narcotics anonymous meetings while staff at Fair Havens watch her children.
R’Ev Finley, a single mom whose kids are now in their 20s, said for many of the single pregnant women she sees while teaching at the Life Center, it may come down to living in groups to get by.
Though she said this communal style is not “the American way” it’s going to have to become more accepted if many local young women want to have shelter and food for their children.
“I don’t say it’s impossible,” she said of raising children completely independantly. “But it’s a feat.”
Alicia Cooper and her two children have already followed this advice to some extent. She moved in with her mother after she and her husband divorced last year so she’d have someone to share basic expenses with.
“If I didn’t have my family to help me I’d be broke all the time,” said Cooper, who took a job in the Children’s Ministry at First Baptist Church after joining their singles group last year.
Scheduling chaos
Though it’s not the highest paying job, Cooper said, they’re flexible in letting her attend school functions or taking her kids to the doctor if needed — which in her case is a crucial benefit.
For Green that’s simply not an option. Her 9-year-old son Christian has Klinefelter’s syndrom and needs to attend summer school to keep up with his class, but because school transportation doesn’t run during the summer and classes let out while Green’s at work he’s unable to go.
Even if it’s after work, parents said, juggling schedules without a partner to pitch in takes skill and sometimes means having to tell children “no.”
Kathy Hagler, who adopted her 7-year-old daughter as a single a few years ago, said she quickly learned the stress of trying to be there for her adoptive teenage son who was working his first job and getting home long after her daughter’s 8 p.m. bedtime.
Childcare costs
Hagler’s daughter attends Washington Elementary where she receives free after-school care during the year, she said, but even with attending one of the lesser expensive childcare centers during the summer costs have still gone up.
“It’s a big chunk out of our budget,” she said.
The average cost of daycare in Texas in 2008 is estimated between $5,700 to $7,400 per child depending on age, according to the National and Texas Associations of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies.
With the median income of single mothers in Texas at about $20,860 — nearly $3,000 less than the national average — those childcare costs often take about 36 percent of a mother’s income, according to NACCRRA.
Getting the basics
Next to housing assistance, area social service agencies report requests for utility bill assistance and food supplies are on the rise, as well.
To keep young children healthy, said outreach specialist at West Texas Opportunities Michael Barriga, parents often have to run the air conditioner to some extent. Staff at Catholic Charities said in addition to that summer expense, some families are in need of more food because their children aren’t able to get to their public school each day to receive the free and reduced lunches they may have during the schoolyear.
“I think we’re just seeing the beginning of it,” said Big Brothers Big Sisters’ Executive Director Sandra Tisdale. “The full ramifications have yet to be felt.”
Of the roughly 25 million workers receiving food stamps — which translates to about $7.16 per household per day — more than 50 percent go to single-parent households, according to the Heritage Foundation, a conservative research group.
Dean said she’s been stretching her food budget by cooking everything at home and making a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches, though she said she’s noticed her food stamps don’t buy quite as much as they used to.
Finding joy
At Fair Havens, Dean said her 4-year-old and 1-year-old have finally landed in a place they love as she’s able to spend time with them playing outside during the evening.
Cooper said the support of her church and its activities for her young kids have helped get them through the last year they’ve been ready to question why dad’s not around anymore.
Church support is one way to “celebrate” these single-parent families when society often doesn’t, said Burke Brack, singles minister at Golf Course Road Church of Christ.
The church helps take singles and their children to a camp every summer where they get an affordable vacation and a chance to talk with people going through the same things.
It’s conversations like these that help Guy McKenzie know he’s doing an OK job with his 17-year-old daughter, who he said he’s often a little protective of since he knows what’s going through teenage boy’s minds.
“It’s really good to have the insight of other singles,” he said. “To know that things are just normal and not so out of whack.”
Since Green knows she doesn’t always have the time or resources to do anything extra with her kids, she’s enrolled both in Big Brothers Big Sisters where they get to participate in a variety of activities and talk with someone else about everything from gymnastics to more serious things they might have asked their dad.
“They want two parents in their home,” Green said. But, since that isn’t the case, the support of other adults has been a great release.
Tisdale said these mentors are meant to give kids like the Greens some extra attention and show them life isn’t always serious — a sentiment many single-parent families can’t always make a reality.
Trying to do that, though, and taking time for self-maintenance is something Hagler said single parents have to learn.
“Nothing is ever done,” Hagler said. “You just learn to go to bed knowing there’s dirty dishes in the sink.”
Kathleen Thurber can be reached at kthurber@mrt.com.
Some resources for single-parent families:
– First Baptist Church offers divorce care and other programs for single parents and their kids. For more information contact Minister with singles David Nobles at 683-0611.
– Helping Hands, 699-4900 distributes food weekly and offers assistance with rent, utilities, medical expenses and other things.
– West Texas Opportunities, 685-8311, is currently distributing free diapers and baby wipes as well giving assistance with utilities and other necessities.
– St. Vincent de Paul Ministries, 684-3887, opens its food pantry each Saturday morning and offers short-term assistance with rent, utilities and other things.
– Casa de Amigos, 682-9701, offers health and dental services, education and social services for families with essential needs.
– Midland Fair Havens, 689-3411, serves single mothers who are homeless or in danger of becoming homeless and aims to equip them for self-sufficient living.
– Big Brothers Big Sisters, 687-0195, provides mentors for children missing a parent. They are currently seeking volunteers, especially men as most of the requests for pairings come for young boys.
– Golf Course Road Church of Christ has a singles ministry and helps take families to single-parent camp each summer. Contact Burke Brack for more information at 694-8836.
– MidCities Community Church has several small groups, community service and other activities for singles. Contact Associate Pastor of adult ministries Tom Vermillion for more information at 522-1330.
– Crossroads Church is hosting a conference for Single adults June 13-14. Visit http://www.crossroadsodessa.com/ for more information